Xmen abridged
by DarkFlameTailz
Summary: Yes! this is an abridged in a story form! get ready to laugh your butt off. At least that is the point dose have a hint of bad words but not much. You know you want to read and review this.... hahaha!
1. Episode One

Ok so I was board and was watching X-men Abridged on YouTube when it hit me!

I should so make an X-men Abridged myself….but there are a few problems with doing that, one I don't have the episodes downloaded, and I don't have a mic. So then it hit me again! OW…must stop that, anyways, then the idea came, I could do an Abridged ON HERE!!! ^_^

MAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Sorry, Now, Enjoy the Show…I mean Story.

**X-Men Evo Abridged! The Story Series! **

_**Episode 1**_

It was a normal day at a school football game; Scott was sitting in the stands watching; he didn't even know why he was there, it wasn't like he knew anyone on the team…except maybe Duncan, but he hated him. anyways he was here….playing with a coin….board.

Toad; I mean Todd was stealing wallets….he was a kleptomaniac.

"Hay Todd! What you doing with all that money?" Duncan asked pushing Todd to the ground.

Just then Scott step in, "Leave him alone….klepto's can't help themselves." He said saving Toad, but Duncan no longer cared and went after Scott, after all he 'loved' him, _I_ _mean,_ 'hated' him.

Even thou Scott did nothing and Duncan was the one about to punch him Jean yelled at Scott.

"Scott NO!"

Scott being distracted was unable to doge and was punched in the face. He glasses flew off.

"HOLY CRAP LAZAR VISON!!!! DAMN YOU SUPER MAN!!!" Duncan yelled flying into the air.

**One Séance Skip Later!**

"Is that Kurt?"

"Damn it Storm! You've been asking that for every freaking person who has gotten off the train! I'll tell you which is Kurt!"

A boy with a heavy robe got off the train his face hidden.

"That is Kurt." Xavier said pointing to him.

"Is that Kurt?" Storm asked pointing somewhere else.

"NO!" Xavier snapped.

"Is that Kurt?" she was now pointing to Kurt.

"Yes…" Xavier sighed annoyed.

"YA! I found him!"

"Yes…yes you did Storm…now take us home." He said very upset like.

**Back at the institute!**

"Jean! Get your sexy body out here! If we're late I swear, I'll blast you!" Scott said touching his glasses. "You know Superman gave me heat vision for a reason!"

"I'll be right out." She said back.

"It's been 3 hours! How much time to you need!"

Jean then walked out. "I had to get dressed."

"It took you 3 freaking hours to get dressed? In the same close you wore earlier today?"

"Scott, Jean come here, we have a new monster…I mean person to show you." Xavier stated.

Both of them walked in, "Guys this is Kurt, say hello Kurt."

Kurt backed away.

"Ok never mind you to scare him, you can leave now."

**Bla Bla Bla….later.**

"Zi's is my room?" Kurt asked looking around.

"No…This is Logan's room, but since he has randomly disappeared on his bike he loves so much I'd figured I'd just put you in here." Xavier said, "Also to use you as bait so he will come back and stay to teach after he rapes you."

"What?"

"Nothing." "Now put on this watch and become human, I'm tired of looking at you."

**A Short Séance No One Cares About...**

"I love my Bike…it's the same color as my hair, if I paint my bike red I'll die my hair red, just so I know it is most important to me in my life..." Logan then saw a news paper with a blown up school.

"Holy Crap! My wolf séances are tingling; Some Ones in My Room! Got to go home and violently attack them…" with that Logan zoomed off.

**Back to the main start of the show…**

"Hay you like saved me…want to be friends?"

Scott looked at Toad. "No."

"Aw, come on…I never had a friend before." Toad wined.

"That's because you smell." Scott then left.

Reading a good cook book Xavier herd the phone ring….and so did the people across town.

"This had better be important Scott I was learning how to make pie apple short cake with cream."

"It is, like you say no mutant is ever turned away, and well Todd wants to join the X-team."

"I said important!" he slammed the phone down.

'Storm.'

"OH MY GOSH! Some ones in my head!!" Strom cried.

It's me, I am using my mind to talk to you…"

"Oh, ya! I can read minds!"

"No that's me.."

"But I can hear you."

"No, oh never mind, Storm Toad will be showing up tonight…greet him warmly."

**That Night!**

"YA! I get to be an X-man! My mom would be so proud." Toad leaped over the gate going to the house.

Just then it started to rain and lighting came down almost hitting him.

"AH!! No Nature I'm sorry! I'll never burn down trees again!" he ran into the house.

Kurt was walking around when he was hit.

"Oh Bites! My fuzzy bottom."

"Hay fuzz, sweet come here I'm going to take you home and call you fluffy!" Toad leaped at Kurt.

"No! Get away I'm not you house pet!"

"Dang it Strom I said a warm greeting!"

Storm fly's in, "But lighting is warm."

Toad grabbed Kurt and for some random reason now one knows ending up teleporting into the danger room…which he had never seen or knew of before….and he could only teleport in rooms he knew of. But he did.

"Oh No Kurt and Toad are in the danger room." Scott cried.

"Why not just call it the training room? or the muscle building room? I mean Danger room just sounds like it would scare some one…I thought this was a place to recruit kids and to help them with there mutant powers? Not scare them and chase them away with a Danger room." Jean said.

**One fight and save later…**

"I'm out of here!" Todd jumped and left, but ran into Logan.

"Were you in my room?" he sniffed.

"Logan, come meet Kurt…he was in your room." Xavier said so Toad could leave…and never come back.

Kurt heard this and took off himself….but Scott found him.

"Come on Nightcrawler, it's only fair…Logan's a nice guy…once he leaves you alone."

"You know Toad would have never left if it wasn't for the Danger room" Jean stated.

"Shut up Jean!" the professor yelled.

**Now the end!**

"Why didn't you become on X-men?!"

"They had a danger room…I don't like danger."

"GR!! Get out!"

Toad left.

As Mystique went next to her desk paper clips and other things went flying around her head.

"Look what I can do!" Magneto said in a deep happy guy voice that no one knew because his plot in the story was not yet important.

"Dang it! I missed my close up."

_**End of Episode! **_

############

So tell me what you think. :)

If I deem this has enough Good Reviews I'll write more. =^_^=


	2. Episode Two

_**Nightcrawler**_: *_waves arms in air*_ Hello! And welcome to the _Crapy_ X-men Abridged!

_**Rouge**_: Ya 'cuse we all know a video of this would be better…*_folds_ _arms_*

_**Nightcrawler**_: But no, you have to use your 'mindseye'_! _ To watch this one. Haha!

Now for our theme song! Which you have to use yours minds ears to hear!

_**Rouge**_: Just give them the link Nightcrawler!

_**Nightcrawler**_: ok, ok, jezz….fine here is the link, http:// www. youtube. com/watch?v=CsqZ8Sazdco&feature=related (just make sure to take out the spaces) *_wink_* but don't let the person know we are using there song. *_whisper_* they don't know so no rat'n us out ok? *_normal big voice_* Now with out further ado! Enjoy your crapy fanfic. ^_^ …BTW this video….has YOU in it! http:// www. youtube. com/watch? v=G4CF_bgxRi4 *_points and laughs at Logan*_

_**Wolverine**_: I'll kill you Elf! *_chases_ _Nightcrawler_*

_**Jean**_: And now for the **Disclaimer** _absolutely no part of this fanfic is in ownership to anyone but __Marvel__ and maybe Disney. _ **Enjoy****! **__

_**X-Men Abridged Ep. 2**_

Down in a city far, far away.

"Weeee! Like I'm flying!!!" a young teenage girl later identified as Kitty was flying, in her dream…but just like all good dreams-she fell.

"AH!!!" Kitty felt the floor hit her back and her mom and dad ran in to see why the heck she was screaming.

"Kitty what the _monkey_ _sauce_ are you doing!?" her dad yelled running down to the basement.

"Like I fell out of bed."

"More like fell from the second floor!" he yelled looking up. There he saw Kitty's bedding…it was sucked into the ceiling.

"Something wrong with you isn't there?"

Morning time in the same far away city.

"Like got to sneak out before mom comes…"

"Hi hunny."

"Oh Crap…"

"Kitty where are you going?"

"Like-umm..I'm going to… get…ice cream…"

"Oh ok then bye."

**Jet flying!!**

"So this whole session is only about recruiting new mutants?" Jean asked.

"Well we do have a nifty encounter with Magneto." Xavier replied.

"Who's Magneto?"

…………long pause…………..

"What we talk'en 'bout?"

**Jump to a part no one ever remembers**

"!" a blond zoomed by on a bike. "Weeeeeeee I'm speed racer!"

**Now on to the séance that has the motorcycle obsessed guy…huh, I mean…never mind-**

"Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning my bike….ha look how shiny it is…I can see my face-oh ya I'm hot just like my bike." Logan said cleaning his motorcycle.

Suddenly Logan began to sniff the air, it was a hobby of his...at least it should be.

"Grr…Sabertooth!" _*sniff*_ "I smell….Tacos….!!" Logan growled. He then looked down. "How the Monkey Sauce did I get on top of this house?!" he yelled.

**Back to the place of the plot **

Knocking on the door to the new mutant's house.

"Hi, my name is Pr-"

*_**slam**_!*

"Some how I can't help but feel this is your fault Jean."

**Back to the Real plot….**

"Ya like school is going to be awesome!"

*PUSH-SHOVE-SLAM!*

"Crap! Ah! Help I'm like trapped in my locker like some loser freshmen!!! HELP!"

_Fifteen hours of banging later_

"Spray painting is fun…is even more fun when its vandalizing public property."

*_Magic Phasing*_

"AH! I'm being attacked by the locker monster!-oh its just a girl."

"Holy Cow of Milk, I'm free!"

"Hi person I don't know but discover is a mutant and not some freak of nature, my name is Lance but I'm best known as Avalanche."

"Oh cool you like make snow fall in great amounts at a time?"

"Ummm…no…"

"Then like what is your power?"

"This!"

The ground shacks and the lockers fly open…..earthquakes must be common because no one seems to be running out of the class rooms freaking out.

"Woh! Your name should have been Rumble."

"So now that we know each others powers I will commence hitting on you…Hay baby, --*whatcha doing?" _--- look in A/N if you don't get the reface.) _

"My names Kitty…oh no I'm late for class"

Kitty leaves and Lance starts to talk to him self-really is that truly necessary?

**Fan Service!**

Logan suited up and became Wolverine, which is not a wolf in any way but people always compare him to a wolf. _(don't believe me there is a pic in A/N)_

Jumping on his bike playing a _Power Rangers_ song-he zoomed off.

"Look Scott Logan is taking off in his uniform, do you think there is a mission ve are unavare of?"

"No, but lets follow him any ways, I'm bored. To the Car Shop!"

Kurt and Scott entered were all the cars were.

"Quick Kurt jump in the small red car."

_*B.A.M.F.* _which we all know is '_bad $$ mo-fu* _you get the point.

"Is vhis your car Scott?"

"No, its just the only car Logan doesn't dive so he wont notice its missing….and if he dose I'll just blame you."

"Vackyum Scott."

**Later in this same episode**

"Ya like the long jump, I can so do this." Kitty cried happily.

Lance and a few of his buddy's that we never see again are on the roof of the school watching the girls PE team……………._perverts_.

"Me first!" a girl cried pushing Kitty out of the way.

"Oh no you didn't just push my Kitty-Cat…I'm going to go 'Sand Storm' on you now!"

Sand shot up making the girl fall. "AH! I'm being attacked by sand!!"

"Did you see that? I did that for you my pretty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty….hay wait don't run away come back Kitty Kitty."

Kitty saw Lance knock the girl down with sand and ran away……

Running into the school theater, Kitty felt she was safe….after all no one goes into the school theater, that's way no one ever takes drama.

"Hi Kitty, I'm here to help you with your powers, my name is Jean."

"Oh Crap and the Nubs of the world! I hate seats!" Kitty yelled kicking a chair.

**Back to the cool part of this episode that doesn't involve Kitty…**

"Scott I don't see Logan."

"No, but I see his bike." Scott said pointing up.

"How the Hellz did he get it up there?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know! don't care! PROT!"

*_bamf*_

The bike crushed the red car both of them were once in.

"Holy Cheese on a Cracker that was close." Scott sighed.

Sabertooth grabbed a car and slammed it into Wolverine. "The Taco of Doom is mine!"

"Never!!!" Logan yelled trying to move the car off of him.

'_Super man Heat Vision Ichba!!" _

Sabertooth went flying as Scott hit him, then Kurt tried to head but his chest….

*_Reflection!* _

And failed…..

"It is clear I could kill all three of you-but I'd rather prolong it for another dozen episodes, so I'll be making my poor excuse for an escape and use the elevator." Sabertooth kicked the button on the door and made his Great Escape! While Wolverine ripped the steal door to shreds not caring about public property.

"Ssssooooooooo……what you fighting about?" Scott asked.

Logan stared at him. "I don't fight your battles so don't fight mine…" and walked away.

"What battles?" Kurt questioned, "we haven't had any battles to fight—and as a teacher you do fight our battles…." He would go on but Scott punched him as Wolverine gave him the death glare.

**Back to the main reason for the episode…yes that's right…..Kitty….**

"Hay Kitty Kitty Kitty…..I can help you with your powers…all you have to do is help me brake in and still all the schools answers so I can graduate and spend the rest of my life pretending I know stuff."

Kitty looked at Lance. "Even thou it is clear you are a liar and a cheat and a crook and a sex fend and a member of the brother hood who will never become good guys, I will still have a huge crush on you and date you in the next season and will help you in your quest before common séance kicks in and I change my mind about helping you because I am a dunce."

"Sweet!"

**After every thing Kitty just said happens and the school falls down….**

"Mom, Dad I'm sorry and I love you…but now I will be leaving with these people I don't know and become a full mutant just like grandma always wanted."

"What?" both ask.

"Ok let's go." Kitty, Jean, and the old man in the wheel chair leave. 

**********

So….how am I doing? ^-^ 

_*this is a line used by Joey off the TV show Friends._

(I personally love Wolverines here is a pick for any one who does not know what they are or at least look like. ---- http://en. Wikipedia. org/wiki/File:Gulo_gulo_ ***_just take out spaces** ;)_


	3. Episode Three

_**Evan**__: "Sweet another episode!...oops, I mean Chapter." _*sheepish grin*

_**Kurt: **__"All right! Now that's what I'm talk'n 'bout!" _

_**Kitty: **__"Cool it Fuzzy Elf you'll make a fool out of your self soon enough." _

_**Kurt: **__"Dude, that's cold."_

_**Bobby**__: "No this is-" _*freezes Kurt*

_**Evan**_: *falls over laughing*

_**Rouge: **__"Can somebody say-Fan Service." _

_**X-men Abridged Ep. 3 **_

'Man I hate people.' Was the thoughts of a girl with no real name but was called Rouge.

"Hay you want to dance." A guy from the football team walked up to Rouge asking.

"No." she remarked, but the boy took her by the hand and pulled her in to dance.

Trapped in the dance Rouge thought, 'Man, I wish I had some kind of power to kill people so no one could ever touch me.'

Just then the boy put his hand on Rouges reviled shoulder.

"Holly Crap!" he yelled as he fell into a coma.

Rouge watched him fall…. "Sweet!"

_**Ninajs!**_

"Yeah, that's right, I'm a ninja…I'm going to become the next Hokage!" Logan said sneaking into a house full of traps he was destroying.

He was slashing and dogging every trap he came up against. He was the best! Yes the best of all -!

"Logan! Damn it! Your paying for all that!" Professor X yelled seeing Logan in the danger room.

"Well excuse me for trying to train to become a better ninja then Naruto!"

"Damn it Logan, your not a ninja! You're a freaking Mutant!" he yelled threw the intercom.

_**Mutants! **_

Kurt hang up side down eating popcorn….that was, he was, until he chocked and fell to the floor, and some how set off all the traps.

"Come here Elf." Kurt walked up to him rubbing his hurt head. ***SMACK* **"You don't get to be a ninja!"

"I'm tired of watching Logan play ninja." Kitty began. "I want to play 'pack rat'."

"Shout up Kitty, I want to see Logan play ninja some more." Scott snapped. Everyone stopped to stare at him.

Scott looked around realizing what he just said, "Er…I meant…oh look at the time, my shows on!" Scott left the room fastly.

'_**BEEP**_**!' '**_**BEEP**_**!' **

"**X-men! We have a Rouge! I repeat-we have a Rouge!" **

"Why dose his words get to be in bold?" Kurt complained.

"**Because I get to use the big voice! And you don't!" **Said Xavier.

**To the Jet!**

"Kurt you can't fly the jet!"

"Yes I can Scott!"

"No you can't!"

"YES! I CAN!"

"Kurt you can't fly the jet from the back seat." Xavier snapped.

"Oh, my bad." Kurt ports but ends up outside.

"Oh, boy…" Xavier put his palm to his face.

_**With Rouge!**_

"I'm going to kill everyone!" she said running down the street causing car crashes.

_**Here come the X-men! Oh, and Mystic, but she got left out…and now is after Rouge. Which I don't get, if Rouge didn't know her, why didn't she just act like a real mom and take care of her before she went crazy and then had to trick her that the x-men were evil…..added by her son……. O-0.. ya, she got cut from this story….alot.**_

"With the power of transforming I will become Wolverine!"

"Yo! What's up! I'm Kurt!" Rouge touched him and took his power.

"Bye sucker!"

**A skip trick and scare after words:**

"I am queen of all!!" Rouge was up in the air using storms and everyone else's powers.

"Rouge needs to be stopped." The professor began.

"Maybe if we leave her alone she will join us." Jean said.

"I love the way you think baby." Scott said, then went to kiss her but Jean punched him.

"I know!" Logan said, "She will come only if Scott dumps Jean and dates her."

"Sounds good to me." Jean said.

"NO! Jean loves me I could never break her heart." Scott remarked.

"We aren't even together." Jean snapped, but Scott ignored her as he started to make out with a picture of her he had in his pocket.

**Change of plan.**

"I'm board."

"Will you join us and become a great member of the x-men?" Kitty asked.

"No." and she ran off.

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Dude…I fail at humor. Kinda the reason why it took so long to updated. Xp

Please review and give me your thoughts.


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